All you need is love. I’m sure we’ve all heard that and probably thought it at some point during our relationships. I’m here to tell you that that is a bunch of bull, in my opinion.

My husband Curt and I loved each other very much before we had Cole (and after of course). We were together for eight years before having our first child and felt we knew one another and understood each other well. During the years we entertained the idea of starting a family and the two years it took us to get pregnant, we had several discussions about how we wanted to raise our children. You know what I mean: how we plan to discipline, who will be responsible for diaper changes, etc. We felt quite prepared to take on the roles of Mommy and Daddy and still be husband and wife.

But to our surprise, it was much harder than expected. Not only was it difficult to find quality alone time, which all parents can understand, but new parenting issues constantly challenged our way of thinking. From who should take the long trip upstairs to check on him when he wakes crying at 2 a.m., to who should be invited to his birthday party - we continually had to regroup to try and be on the same page when it came to parenting decisions.

For example, Curt and I always knew family was important to us, but it wasn’t until recently that we’ve discovered the two of us have different definitions of what family is. That can cause all sorts of confusion down the road so it‘s up to us to communicate and try to find the best path for Cole.

My point is, raising a child doesn’t just happen - at least I don’t think it does. Before having kids and after, continue to have conversations with your significant other and yourself about how you want to raise him/her/them because even though love is important, it isn’t the only thing needed when a child is involved.